written in a phone note dated 11.9.18

how could a word ever be anything but a fragment of what it contains?
it’s spoken but something remains
and no other pathways can get at what’s missed
it’s never one hundred percent
it’s never exactly interpreted in the precise and original way it was meant
feelings get closer
but those all change too
the ones you let out might be shorter lived than all the ones that are held within you
it’s just as well you won’t let them out yet
the longer they linger the stronger they get
i feel no surprise as i feel them arise as they did on the first night we met
unsolvable questions i ask
a solid amount i’ve relentlessly grasped till i
crushed it and couldn’t hold on to a truth in the end
but at least i can say that i do not regret any action or word in the past not taken or said
i take all the actions and say every word on my mind as i find these things wither in time
and the withering clock starts to tick when the insides reach for the light of the day
and as for the feelings or words that remain even when honored soon as they’re thought or they’re felt?
well
we all have someone who makes our heart melt
mine melts and it drips down my spine
any time any part of you finds its way out

the truth
it’s the truth
and a force that won’t stop when ignored. i’m grateful for that
and see it in all that i’ve ever attempted to crop or erase from before
one day you don’t try anymore
one day you just hope that one day you will know what the feelings and truths all were for
there’s more than the words that we say or the feelings inside of our skin
the things that arise in my head
how can these words ever
no, not these words, never
ever can they be much more
than a fraction
a fragment
of what they contain
it’s never one hundred percent
it’s never exactly interpreted in the precise and original way it was meant

feelings get closer as they all change too
the ones you let out might be shorter lived
than the ones held up tightly in you
and it’s just as well you keep them there
keep them wherever you feel is most fair
but the longer they linger the more you’re aware
all the pressure is what will arise
a continuation of a pattern the first time you shut your sweet eyes
i get it cause most ppl do
choose those easily measly ways
to block out what’s ugly and true
the truth
it’s the truth
and it stays when it’s dark
in all you erase or crop out from before
one day you just can’t bear to try anymore