found in phone note from 1.19.19

fire only grows when you let the fire breathe
but i’ve smothered every fire that you ever could believe
eyes grow wider with a spark & it still is very dark
not a fire but a spark. not a light but it’s a flash
never ash, but only wood cause i’ve smothered
every fire that you ever ever could

now i try to fall asleep
i see sparks with nothing there
now i try to fall asleep and not to ever really care
it’s a but and it’s a why
it’s not bad and it’s not good
cause i’ve though through every value judgment that you ever could.
it’s a but and it’s a why
it’s not good or really bad
it’s a thought and it is not the only thought i ever had

it’s far from the only one
and i wish that they would leave
but i’ve thought through every story that you ever could believe
and i know the end to this one
and i know the end to this
it’s not good or bad or anything that anyone would miss

so why let the wood burn for a pile of ash to blow away
if it’s solid wood it stays here
dust and ash and fire don’t stay
dust and ash and fire don’t stay here
so i keep a pile of wood
and i smother every fire that i ever ever could